1. The honeymoon period will officially be over. Those cute texts you used to send each other every morning will be history. Instead you will be texting about loo roll and making the bed and mornings will consist of, “Chuck me my phone” instead of good mornings.
2. Shopping still isn’t exciting for them. Even if you have been out and bought some amazing things alone and come back to show him them, he just doesn’t care and it’s a fact.
3. You will find yourself having to make dinner more often than not. How boys sometimes survive alone, I will never know.
4. Weight gain is not a drill. You make enough food for him and then you want that amount too. Or the idea of chip and dip will be made all the easier by him offering to go to the shop, God damn 24 hour corner shop.
5. That brand spanking new white bra that you promise yourself you will only wash by hand, will inevitably end up in the machine because he is trying to be helpful and you want to be mad but he FINALLY DID A WASHING.
6. Boys really don’t mind if a dry washing hangs out for days or dry dishes sit on the drying rack for days – they just do not care, don’t even bother arguing, your wasting your breath.
7. Cute nights together no longer consist of dressing up and heading out. Nope, it is now the comfiest clothes and no bra while eating take-out on the sofa. Yeah, it’s really hot.
8. There will always be dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Even if you have just done a washing, the boy will find something to be washed.
9. Boys don’t really think about washing towels and bath mats. Seriously, I don’t know if the boyfriend has ever actually put a towel wash on yet…
10. Thinking about it, the same goes for sheets.
11. You know when you thought you would never fart in front of your boyfriend because ew gross, yeah it’s now a competition about who can fart the loudest.
12. Being alone in the flat can be fab, until you have to go to bed. And then you are lonely and sleep with the night-light on or the sweet sounds of Netflix in the background.
13. You always run out of things. No matter what it is. Loo roll, bin bags, milk – how do people do that? I never ran out of these things when I was alone.
14. You will turn into Monica every six months or so and question why you live with a boy, why I ask you?
15. For some reason, boys hoard water bottles and hide them around the flat.
16. And carrier bags. Not even the nice Zara kind, but the really crappy Tesco ones.
17. And glasses on their bedside table – how dehydrated can you get in the night that requires 4 glasses?
18. Boys use their phones for things other than social media, they play…games?
19. The secret that you were on your period now becomes a topic in the flat and you can take that secret joy of getting them to buy you tampons because they won’t want to come home to a hormone raging monster – no sir.
20. Socks literally turn up everywhere. Under the sofa, under the bed, in the bed, in the bathroom, in that cupboard you never go in…who is stealing and hiding all the socks?
21. Empty toilet roll tubes will be left in the bathroom and you will need to be the one to change it, every damn time.
22. Interiors will be a massive struggle.
23. You will come to realise that you really do own too many beauty and bath products.
24. Boys shoes are tripping hazards, in fact life hazards – we have a glass table and a shoe in front of it can be deadly.
25. You actually have to resolve arguments because the opportunity to sulk is gone. They sleep in the same bed and sit in the same living room and hiding in the bathroom is all fine and well until he needs a pee.
26. TV series and movies seem to be more in his favour. Somehow I have seen all the Top Gear episodes, all of Sons of Anarchy and know exactly what is happening in the Walking Dead yet the boyfriend probably can’t tell the difference between Aria and Spencer – I tried and tested this and he called Hannah Spencer and Spencer Aria.
27. He doesn’t get it when you moan about losing followers – it is a big deal.
28. Your heels are now just a decoration. What is the point in wearing them when you can just wear your trainers and be comfy? He doesn’t care anyway.
29. Despite it all, you wouldn’t change it for the world because you love him and he loves you and you are now real grown ups living in your own little (rented) place which you call home together – not his mum and dads or your mum and dad, its yours. Ours. Now pass my joggers and cuddle me to the sound of another car programme for Gods sake.