Confidence is something I have pretended to have for years, but for the last three months I have actually had it. As a little girl, I used to always get told I was loud and talked a lot, and to be honest I am those things, but of late it was just kind of slipping away. I had lost all sense of my ability and really felt low in myself.
However after a few too many proseccos, a couple of great lists and a whole new outlook on life, I decided that 2018 was going to be the year I really made a change. So I thought today I would talk a little bit about it and what I have done to really up my game in that department.
What is getting me down
Here’s the deal – my anxiety is linked to my confidence in myself. So basically I had no choice but to start working out what was attacking my confidence if I wanted to overcome a lot of my anxiety. And the groundbreaking result? Yeah, it was me. I was getting in my own head. Surprise surprise right? But as soon as I sat down with myself and talked (out loud works best FYI), I realised that I was the one getting in the way of my own confidence.
When I say talk outloud, I mean it. Friends and I were discussing this, the best way to do it is pop your headphones in and talk. It looks like you are on a call but in actual fact you are trying not to lose your mind.
Stop giving a f*&^
And here’s another deal, I don’t actually care what people think of me anymore. Obviously, this does not mean I have let myself go or stopped caring about myself. Nor does it mean I have stopped thinking about what other think of me or how the see me. No, it means I care a lot about myself and I am actually doing more for me. So rather than wearing clothes that I think I should wear, and acting like I think I should act, I am just doing what I want.
I used to put on this fake personality for people where I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t even a shell of myself, I was just a completely different person. And it wasn’t until someone called me out on it that I noticed. So I just stopped pulling that act and stopped caring.
The road to acceptance
Lol I just thought that was a hilarious heading if I am honest. This is going to sound really dumb, but I started watching RuPaul last year and I genuinely think it has changed my attitude towards things. The girls on the show have so much confidence in themselves when in actual fact, they just accept themselves. So I started to accept myself.
I honestly cannot recommend the show not only to educate yourselves on drag and LGTBQ+ right, but also everything that goes along with it. The chat, the attitudes, the looks; it give me life. Also on top of that, watch a bit of Queer Eye. The two shows pretty much just drive home the self-acceptance mantra. And having that bit of extra positivity does not go amiss.
In all seriousness though, positivity is what you need. I have gotten rid of a lot of negativity in my life. That means the friends that I do talk to are super positive and if any of us are having a bad day, we bring each other up. That may sounds super basic, but honestly if you have a look at the friendships you have, how many are actually causing you distress of negativity?
So a big thing for me that was causing my confidence to drop was my body. Well I am addressing that. Now I have a gym membership that costs a bloody arm and a leg so if I don’t go and work out each of those at least twice a week I am frustrated at myself. Well apart from during that snow week because the walk to work was an ab workout enough.
For real though, you know that crap that everyone blabs on about that “working out will make you feel better.” Well, umm, yeah turns out that wasn’t crap. It’s true. Working out legit helps. I know, I hate admitting that too. I might not look any different, but I feel a hell of a lot better in my own skin. Remember when I talked about just looking at your bod in my last confidence post? I feel pretty incredible doing that whole thing again.
So of course, this is nothing groundbreaking but honestly, these few things have really helped. And if you take nothing from this, please go watch RuPaul.